That Ashley Girl

Friday, May 27, 2005

How To ... Get a Fuck Buddy

I got this e-mail the other day:


I'm sure most every guy out there who has never had the pleasure of a fuck buddy in their life is wondering, how does one go about acquiring a relationship like that? Is it something that just happens, and whoever it happens to is just lucky? Is it something that can be requested, if so how can you tell if a girl would be into that?

I know for you, you have A.J. who is an X but most of our X's we would, or at least I would, not want to touch that again. This is something that I've never experienced and is something that at this point in my life is all I want.

I've got plenty of time to have a long term relationship with somebody, much much later. Right now I just need to get laid when the wild hair hits. Maybe you have an answer or you can just ask your audience to offer their opinions.


I love getting e-mails like that one, and I really wish more of the people who read this blog would send them and/or talk about this sort of stuff in the comments. I mean, a thousand people stopped by here over the past two days and yet there were only three stinking comments. Anyway, this is an interesting topic.

The key to having a fuck buddy, I think, is being completely honest with the person. If you pretend that you want a long-term relationship with a girl, you aren't going to be able to be her fuck buddy. Once she has her heart set on something more, accepting something less is difficult.

So in that sense, it is definitely something that can be requested. In fact, in most cases it should be requested, or at least the basic idea should be laid out (no pun intended) prior to things getting more serious.

As for my situation with my fuck buddy, A.J. ... it's probably a unique one. We aren't actually "ex" anythings, since we were never really "going out" and certainly never "broke up."

He is just someone whose company I really enjoy. He's cute, he's nice, he's funny, and I love to have sex with him. We go out plenty, but we have never been exclusive and, although I can only speak for myself, we don't have any visions of a long-term relationship happening.

I know a lot of girls who refuse to have a "simple" relationship with someone like A.J., and that's sad because they are really missing out. Plenty of girls are friends with boys, and plenty of girls are in serious relationships with boys, but there is a middle ground that is an awful lot of fun too.

So instead of one of us trying to make the relationship something it isn't -- and possibly ruining things completely -- we are perfectly happy just going with the flow. Having fun, having some great sex, and being free to see other people. And when we want to be with someone on a Saturday night, we know who to call.

I agree that being a fuck buddy with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend would be difficult, but that's only because you've already established a more serious level of relationship with them. If a producer hires an actor to star in a movie and then tries to get him to play a supporting role in the sequel, it's going to be a difficult situation.

And speaking of being free to see other people, I am going out tonight with the boy who gave me his number last weekend. I am not as ravenously hungry for cock as I was a few days ago (thanks to a visit to my fuck buddy!), so he's probably not going to be seeing me naked tonight.

Of course, you never know. I could use another boy in my rotation. We'll see if he can hold a conversation (and my interest) when there isn't music blasting through speakers 10 feet away and I'm not completely hammered. Not many can.


  • At 6:06 AM, Blogger u4ric said…

    I have a couple of fuck buddies of my own but then again this is nothing special for gay men. Whats seem different though is that you seem to be friends with AJ. I do enjoy the their company but not enough without the sex. If I took the sex away from my FBs we wouldnt see each other any more, its that the same with AJ?

  • At 6:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I like your perspective in that post, Ashley. If you could share that one with a few more women in the world then I'd be very happy.

  • At 6:34 AM, Blogger Ashley said…

    If I took the sex away from my FBs we wouldnt see each other any more, its that the same with AJ?

    That's an interesting question. My guess is no, just because I don't have very many boys that I would consider strictly "friends." And I'm not egotistical enough to think that 21-year-old boys would love hanging out with me solely for my quick wit.

  • At 11:00 AM, Blogger deanne said…

    Hm - I've only recently acquired one - while he's *nice* and we have great sex, he's not someone I can see myself having a relationship with. I think it'd be completely different if he sparked my mind, as well as my pants.

  • At 12:30 PM, Anonymous Foxy said…


    What you said is very true, but I also think you have to be careful even when being completely honest. There's always a chance of the other person getting attached and wanting a relationship even when things are laid out on the table.

    This unfortunately happened to me. Interestingly enough, the situation was reversed where the guy got really attached to me although I was completely honest with him. Not good. I feel really bad about it, but whatever. He couldn't handle.

    Anyway, I think there are lots of girls who are all for that type of relationship. Especially here in Los Angeles. Ha.

  • At 2:22 PM, Anonymous meg said…

    hey ... well just srufing and i thouhgt the topic was cool.. plus i know how you feel whenyou get comments !!!

    ahhh so fuck buddies... lol i remember i got out of this long relaionship and really that was all i wanted.. and conveniently found a hot guy that totally only wanted that as well.. it was wierd... we became like best freinds.. i would give him girl advice and we would tell eachtoher everything.. it was soo coll because there was the good sex but yet this awesome friends relationship....
    - after about 4 months of that he came o me and was liek "umm i think i want to see you"
    - i freakde out a first and said no but after i realised how much i liked it..
    - weve been together for a year and a half now...~:S
    so thats my crazy story about fuck buddies..
    - i think with girls we get attached really easily .. unless its a drunken one night stand... where as guys do it without feeling....

    - my opinion is girls should be alittle more stronger.. not fall for him just because he slept with ya...

  • At 2:52 PM, Blogger Renfield said…

    Ashley, Thank you. Everyone has been helpful, now let's see if any of this advice actually works. I'll keep you updated.


  • At 3:26 PM, Blogger Pop's Kid said…

    I think all of the advice here has been pretty good. Concentrate on being honest and having fun. Going with the flow of things is much better than laying down ground rules. As soon as you tell someone they CAN'T have something (i.e. a relationship) they sometimes have an inkling to want it more.

    So don't go into things with a "we WILL be doing this but we WON'T feel this way or we WON'T get attached"...

    If you keep it honest, keep it light, and keep it fun. You've got a better chance of keeping her sweaty.

    And really that's all we want isn't it??

  • At 3:37 PM, Anonymous Bathroom Reading said…

    On the general topic, Ashley, that was so long ago for me that I don't even remember. I do remember wishing that I could get into that sort of relationship, but no woman seemed into it. Maybe I should have moved to Los Angeles?

    If you want more comments, switch to Haloscan or Enetation. The comments will come in droves.

  • At 3:51 PM, Blogger mr. tomas ubik said…

    is it just me, or doest the fuck buddy fall in your lap on frequent once you hit 21-22. I was so happy when the "i dont want to ruin our friendship" nonsense fell off my female friends verbatum once it was realized that random fuckarounds dont mean a damn thing relevant to the friendship.

    maybe its just me though, because i dont make things weird afterwards, and to tell you the truth, it is guys who always makes a relationship weird after. Unless the girl is the one slaying dragons out there, because girls who consistently think every guy wants to always always fuck them even after the guy has already been there, make everything weird out of pure ideocy.

    check your role, play with holes, rock'n'roll.

    ashley, im going to link your site; hope thats cool!

  • At 6:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Ditto for me linking to this site as well.

  • At 12:27 AM, Blogger Jezebelle said…

    Nice blog..good topic. I was having a conversation with a guy I've been seeing for the past six months today and he pointed out that I've turned him into a FWB...I prefer the term fuck buddy though.

  • At 2:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    perhaps you resemble jabba the hutt and all this is a elaborate fantasy

  • At 10:41 PM, Anonymous NCTRNL said…

    Oddly enough...these days it is easier for me to find a Fuck Buddy than it is to find someone I can go out with and enjoy. If I meet someone and am not interested in hanging out with them a lot...they go into the fuck buddy list...

  • At 8:27 PM, Blogger Chief Slacker said…

    Usually starts as a possible date, the sex is good the rest isn't. As long as you both realize that it's golden!

    My FB said to me a while back. "We're such whores! Must be why we get along so well."

  • At 12:53 PM, Anonymous bad8boy said…

    all right... I've read a few of your notes, and I'll post a comment. Loved the advice on how to be a fuck buddy. Glad someone has it straight. I've been a fuck buddy to serveral girls, one who agreed to it right away, and two who disagreed, said goodbye, and later called me up to accept the terms. it's great sex. if this is what you fantasize about, then hold out for it, and don't worry about rejection. just means you're a badboy...

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  • At 12:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Help me Dude, I'm lost.

    I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw Elvis in the supermarket yesterday.

    No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender".

    He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a shiny, new plasmatv to go with that blue suede sofa of yours.

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    Strange day or what? :-)

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  • At 1:12 AM, Anonymous attract beautiful women said…

    Hi Ashley, Out surfing for information on & happened upon your site. While How To ... Get a Fuck Buddy wasn't exactly spot on, it did strike a note with me. Thank you for the really good read.

  • At 6:30 AM, Anonymous attracting girls said…

    Hello Ashley, been looking for the latest info on flirting and found How To ... Get a Fuck Buddy. Though not exactly what I was searching for, it did get my attention. Interesting post, thanks for a great read.

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  • At 12:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey can you ask someone to be a fuck buddy if you've already asked them out before and they said no?

  • At 1:17 AM, Blogger Mandy said…

    My Lesbian Dating Blog

    for me, i've always had fuck buddies, and allof them were my x girlfriends, i have never found a girl that is just willing to have fun with no strings attached, so thats my story

  • At 12:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ok ok, i realise that alot of this info is great for guys... but what about u ashley, how did u manage to get a decent sex buddy, being a girl?? i think it would be well harder trying to approach the subject with a guy, especially one that you dont know very well! im out of a really long relationship for afew months now, and all i want is a bit of no-strings regular 'fun'.... how do i do this being a girl???!!! HELP PLEASE!!!! cheers!! x x x x

  • At 8:08 AM, Blogger Tiffany156 said…

    So heres the problem; I enjoy the company of a guy at the same uni as me but he considers me just a "friend". How can I get him to become my very own sex buddy?

    Everyone agrees that I'm hot, extremely fuckable so it shouldn't be that hard. I just don't know how to bring it up!


  • At 6:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey Ashley, I just recently got out of a relationship and I waited 3 months for this girl to come back from Texas for the summer to see her father and when she came back she didn't want to have a relationship with me out of no where so I've decided that I want a fuck buddy but the other problem is I'm a virgin and I don't care about it anymore so I just want to get laid do you think I might get attached to that person I have sex with for the 1st time???

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  • At 12:02 AM, Blogger Rewards1- free prizes for everyone! said…

    Hey me and this 1 girl had feelings for each other but after a month or so she decides she kinda wants to be single for awhile. I just kinda backed off for the whole entire summer and she is now really flirty with me. And asked me why I never talked to her. Do you think I should try to become her fuck buddy. And how do u think I should go about doing this.

  • At 7:38 AM, Anonymous Trent B said…

    After reading this, I decided that I would attempt to make a few specific girls into fb's. One I'm close with, one of my exes, n a few others. Thx, great advice (:

  • At 6:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    So girls how do you get a fuck buddy, what a ridiculous question. Most girls can walk up to a guy ask him to have sex and he'll say yes about 80% of the time.

    So the only trick is to do it without getting a bad reputation. Get him drunk, flirt with him a bit, and then tell him to kiss you. Then get him to sleep with you. Then the next day tell him you didn't want anything serious, but would like to keep hooking up as long as he doesn't spread rumors.

    If you care about your reputation that is, FB is pretty normals nowadays. I've never done it but wouldn't judge a girl for her doing it. I'd love to have a FB, most guys would.

  • At 12:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yes i have had a few fuck buddies but i agree it is someone you really get along with and for myself at the time I did not have the time for a relationship. What I mean is a relationship takes work and time. i was always on the road traveling and my friend katie was also gone much of the time. One day we were talking and agreed we were both feeling so horny and decided hell yes lets just do it. to this day that little girl rocks my world

  • At 9:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I need a fuck buddie!!!

  • At 12:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    how do I get a 12 year old the same age as me to wana be a fuck buddy?


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