Yesterday I asked -- no, begged -- for more comments and e-mails from you, my devoted, loyal, sexy readers. It gives me great pleasure to report that you guys didn't disappoint.
Yesterday's entry got 16 comments and several of you even left comments on old entries. Plus, I got a whole bunch of e-mails too, which is great.
So, to show you how much I appreciate and value the reader participation aspect of this blog, let's go through some of the comments and e-mails I got ...
I introduced a new pickup line in this space yesterday ("Hey baby ... I wanna ride you like Lance Armstrong.") and said, "Here's my promise to you, my loyal readers: If that line is used on me in person sometime in the next month, I promise to sleep with whoever said it, no questions asked."
To which Anonymous said:
That's kind of slutty.
And to which I said, "Kind of?"
It always fascinates me when boys (and sometimes girls) think that calling someone or their actions slutty or something similar is offensive. I just said that I would sleep with a complete stranger, no questions asked, if they said a particular line to me. I think by saying that, we're working under the general assumption that I'm slutty.
If someone tells you they'll give a million dollars to the next person who says "hello" to them on the street, would you try to insult them by saying, "Boy, you're kind of generous"?
Then, of course, DAK did the obvious and said:
Hey baby, I wanna ride you like Lance Armstrong.
Sadly, as I said, the line has to be used on me IN PERSON. Or, as I told DAK, you have to be close enough for me to slap.
You see, my grand plan with the Lance Armstrong line was that all the boys reading this blog would use it on every girl they see, hoping that they'd stumble across me for the no-questions-asked sex.
The line would get used so much that it would turn into an actual line that people really used. Then, sometime in the future, I'd be hanging out somewhere, and someone would use it on me. It's like some sort of porno version of Pay It Forward, but without Haley Joel Osment.
Terrashmerra suggested a favorite pickup line of hers:
My new favourite "line" is from the Big & Rich song of the same title, "Save a horse, ride a cowboy." Cowboys, that's hot.
First of all, don't you love it when Canadians give themselves away with the extra "u" in words like "favorite"? For some reason that makes me smile.
Secondly, I agree ... Cowboys, that's hot.
Oh man, Ashley. Now that you've finally pushed me over the edge, and prodded me out of lurking, and into commenting, where to start?
If you're half as cute as you claim to be, then you are among the upper 1% of the world's female population, in terms of attractiveness. The reason I can assert that with such confidence is that we can see a very important part of your overall package right here on your blog -- even without the pic of you that we're all dying to see -- your brain, and its output.
What you have sloshing around in your skull is just plain, fucking *hot*. You are *brilliant*. So if you are even slightly more physically attractive than Roseanne Barr, that makes you a nuclear meltdown in a bikini.
Anyway, here's the thing -- I'm a bit older than you, and I can tell, reading your posts, that you are at a particular stage in your sexual development. You're at that enthusiastic, sweaty, uncomplicated point, where things are still a little clumsy, but sweet. At the same time, you show a clear awareness of, and openness to, all sorts of things that make it plain that, given a bit of time, you could...
Well, let's just say that it's tremendously frustrating to think that I'll never have the opportunity to show you how things can be at the next level...
Keep posting, Ashley. Listening to you work it out is great fun.
Wow, lots to cover here ...
First of all, I am almost exactly "half as cute as I claim to be." Actually, it varies, depending on how my hair looks. Some days it's only around 47% as cute, but other days it can rise to 55%.
As for the picture ... it's not happening. The reason I'm able to write about the stuff I write about on here is that no one knows who I am. If I posted a picture, I'm sure it would end up ruining my anonymity in some way. Sorry.
Incidentally, "a nuclear meltdown in a bikini" is a great line. In fact, I wish I'd have thought of that myself. If I ever go out on a blind date and the guy wants to know beforehand what I look like, I think I'll tell him, "I've been described as a nuclear meltdown in a bikini."
Also, while I may only be 50% as cute as I claim to be, I can assure you that I am a minimum of 217% as cute as Roseanne.
I also really like Mark's description of where I am at sexually: "I can tell, reading your posts, that you are at a particular stage in your sexual development. You're at that enthusiastic, sweaty, uncomplicated point, where things are still a little clumsy, but sweet."
I think that about sums it up. I'm still a bit clumsy, I suppose, but I've always been told that practice makes perfect, so that's why I'm giving out sex for Lance Armstrong lines.
Also, I think if I could only choose one line to describe myself sexually, perhaps I would choose "enthusiastic," although I guess maybe that implies you like sex but aren't that good at it? I consider myself terrific sexually, so maybe I'd go with a made up word, like "enthusiastically incredible" or something.
Keep up the good work. Now that madpony is retired, you are the clear leader in the college-aged female blog ratings.
I appreciate the compliment, because I am/was a fan of the Madpony blog myself, but I've got a long way to go before I can even come close to what Lauren and Kristin had going over there.
They had about a billion readers, along with the added benefit of being two girls, instead of just little old me. Plus, they didn't write about dirty, filthy, slutty sexual stuff, so they had tons and tons of pictures, which helps a lot when you're as adorable as those two are.
I'll have to build my one-girl empire without the use of photography, which is going to be difficult.
In response to my entry from earlier this week regarding Kirsten Dunst, Bitchen said:
I think Kirsten Dunst is beautiful all over. I like her face.
Even if she didn't have a great face, the abs make up for it.
I agree about Dunst being very beautiful. I also agree that she has a great body (and everyone knows how much importance I place in how my abs look) ...
However, as I explained earlier, there seems to be some disagreement in the male community when it comes to her.
An e-mailer named John wrote:
Kirsten Dunst has some nasty teeth. We had to sit up close to the screen for Spidey2 and during Kirsten's closeups, some of those front teeth were about as big as salad plates. Some looked like they were pentagon-shaped ... ugh. You think she'd have that cleared up by now. Bad teeth = definite turnoff. How do your choppers stack up Ash? Blog fans need to know.
I am in total agreement that bad teeth are a turn-off. A smile is so important when you're dating someone, and bad teeth just totally ruin that. As for my choppers, they are perfect, although not without a ton of help from a team of orthodontists and a couple sets of braces. It sucked while I had the braces on (although I didn't suck, since boys were scared of all the metal), but now I've got picture-perfect teeth!
Sometimes Kirsten looks amazing ... other times, barely attractive. I guess you could say that about a lot of people though.
As any Seinfeld fan knows, the scientific term for this is that she's a "two-face."
And in looking through a bunch of her pictures to pick some to put on this blog, I think I agree with that. For instance, in this picture she looks incredible (and I'm talking about her face, not the fact that half her boob is sticking out and she has major tan lines) ...
But then in this picture, she doesn't look so great ...
Some mysteries are just unsolvable, I guess.