That Ashley Girl

Friday, May 21, 2004

Quote of the Week

Overheard tonight, at an undisclosed location ...

PERSON 1: You think she has fake tits? They must be, right?

PERSON 2: Who gives a shit, they're huge!

Speaking of ...

Lindsay Lohan's giganto tits are getting all the press this month, and deservedly so (as "PERSON 2" might say, "They're huge!"). However, I wonder why no one has noticed just how impressive Mandy Moore has gotten in this area?



Stop drooling boys! Unlike Lohan's, I think there's a decent chance Mandy's aren't store-bought too, which makes them more impressive to me (although most boys I talk to couldn't care less and I assume they're the target audience).

Mandy Moore's body really snuck up on me. I always thought she was pretty in a girl-next-door sort of way, but now she's quite the woman. I would even go so far as to give her the best compliment a boy has ever given me. Earlier this year, a boy said to me, "God damn girl, your body was built for fucking!"

You laugh, but you have to think about that coming from a boy's perspective. I am of the belief that, at their highest level of acclaim for a girl's looks, a boy simply wants to fuck her really bad. So for one of them to tell me that my body was actually "built" for that ... well, it made my day!

Oh, and it is, by the way. Not that you'll ever find out ...

Thursday, May 20, 2004

My Life Is Like A Movie!

Well, sort of.

After work today, A.J. picked me up and we went back to his parents' house (they weren't there). We watched an old CSI and ate pepperoni pizza. Then we acted out a scene from one of my favorite movies (no, nothing porn!). I didn't realize it until I got home and thought about what had happened, but we definitely did.

The movie? Jackie Brown. The scene? This one ...

Melanie looks up at Louis.

MELANIE: Wanna fuck?

LOUIS: Sure.

FADE TO BLACK.

OVER BLACK, SUBTITLE: THREE MINUTES LATER

FADE UP.

Louis lies on the couch on his back and Melanie sits on top of him.
They're going at it like a couple of fuck monkeys. Almost on the fade
up, Louis cums.

MELANIE: That was fun.

She hops off and OUT OF FRAME.

LOUIS: Yeah, that really hit the spot.

MELANIE (O.S.): Now that's over, let's get to know each other.

Okay, it wasn't 100% like that, but it was close. I did my best Bridget Fonda impression and A.J. did an admirable Robert DeNiro (although he was able to hold out for longer than three minutes, though just slightly).

Basically we were just sort of sitting around and the pizza was gone and the conversation was non-existent. So, being the proactive girl that I am, I just said, "Wanna fuck?"

Ladies, let me tell you that there is no question in the world that gets a "YES!" response from boys a larger percentage of the time than "wanna fuck?"

I'd say you'll get a yes 95% of the time from the entire world's population of men. Breaking it down even further, it'll probably be around 99.9% of the time from straight men, and just slightly less, maybe like 99.1%, from straight men who have "significant others." And then the percentage drops to like maybe 60% among gay men who are attached, which tells you something about just how much men like having an orgasm.

And so we fucked. We didn't even bother to go into the bedroom. Just did it right there on the couch like, as Quentin Tarantino so eloquently put it, a couple of fuck monkeys. We even left the TV on (very romantic!).

It was pretty good too. We hadn't "seen" each other since I moved out of the dorms last week, which adds a little something, and A.J. is always a great performer. We have a whole routine established. I do a little sucky-sucky on him, he does a little licky-licky on me (this is code for sexual acts, for those of you who are confused), and then we get down to the real business. Actually, sometimes there's a little sucky-sucky/licky-licky combo going on, but that's a subject for another day!

Anyway, not earth-shattering news (unless my parents figure out that this is my blog, in which case it was my first time, I swear!), but I thought my first sex/orgasm/pizza of the summer was a worthwhile blog topic.

Oh, and two times, for those of you wondering. :)

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

First Day At Work

I started my summer job today. Actually I just sort of went there and talked to my boss, and then walked around, but I'm pretty sure it counted as working.

First things first ... my boss is really cute. His name is Jamie and he looks really good in trunks. I don't like guys who shave all their body hair (seems kinda girlish to me), and Jamie had just enough hair in just the right places to make me want to do nasty things to him.

Also, he seems nice, although I was basically just staring at his body the whole time he was talking. I'm glad I decided to doll myself up a little bit. I almost wore some scrubby shorts and a t-shirt, but decided on my favorite bikini (light blue, skimpy, nice boobage) with cutoffs. I figured if you're going to work at the beach, you might as well look the part. Hopefully he was impressed. He should have been ... I looked good!

In between drooling over his abs, Jamie told me what I'll do doing. Basically, I lifeguard a little bit, work the concessions a little bit, and work the entrance a little bit. Sounds pretty easy. I'd rather lifeguard full-time (more tanning!), but I guess they have a bunch of people who think like I do.

When I got home my stupid brother (I might make that his official name on here, I haven't decided yet) and his dumb friend were outside playing basketball. My brother is 16 and I think the other kid is the same age. I am of the opinion that my parents should have stopped after me, but apparently they got horny again like five years later.

Anyway, his friend ... let's call him "Andy" ... is always trying to hit on me. And not in a good way either, in a 16-year-old way, which is basically just a bunch of stuff about how I should flash him or how my "tits look real good today." Seriously, he said that. I mean they did, but still.

I'm convinced that if I ever did flash him he would probably pass out. They're always talking about "chicks" and saying all kinds of stuff about all kinds of body parts, but I can't imagine they are getting much action. I know I wouldn't have been interested in them when I was 16, and I was interested in just about everyone.

After he "complimented" me on "my tits" I said, "Thanks, you wanna see 'em?" He spun around real quick and said, "What?!"

"Oh nothing."

Talk to me in like five years. By then at least his "your tits look real good today" line will have at least a 25% chance of working on me.

I talked to A.J. on the phone tonight. He says he "misses me," which means he hasn't had sex in a few days and wants to fuck. That's okay, but I have to work (for real this time!) tomorrow. He might come pick me up after work. We'll see how desparate he is ... I might make him take me to dinner first.

What, you thought I was easy?

Almost Busted Already!

I was typing a thing about my day today when my mom came into my room and said "Whatcha doin?"

I was like "Well ... uh ... I ... nothing!" She probably thinks I'm on drugs or something.

More in a bit ...

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

The Boys In My Life

I'm a college student (no, I'm not telling where!), so I just finished up for the year. Tragically, I still live at home with my mom and dad (and my dumb brother ... more on him later, I'm sure) during the summer. I almost got brave and cut all ties, but I'm not exactly a millionaire yet and they don't charge me rent.

I have a job, although I haven't started it yet. I think it's a pretty plush gig, working at a beach that's like five minutes from my front door. The pay sucks, but I can do nothing all day and get a nice tan, so I took it. Plus, it's a good way to meet boys.

Which brings me to the boys in my life right now. There are a few. That's what happens when you live on your own for a whole school year. I'm gonna be careful with the names here, so ...

"Nate" is a boy I've known since we were about 10 years old. He used to come over to my house to "play" when we first met, but then he got too cool for me or something. Then he discovered that girls were nice to "play with" again when he was about 16 or so, and we got reacquainted.

We went out for a little while in high school, but he started to really get on my nerves. Now we're just friends. "Friends with very rare benefits," I guess you could say. He was the first boy who ever tried to feel me up, which was funny back then cause there wasn't much to work with. He has his faults, but he's basically a sweety.

"Matt" is the boy I've had my longest relationship with. From the middle of the summer before my senior year until about that February or so. I know, I know ... that's not long, but still.

He goes to a community college around here, so I'm pretty sure he's not headed for the most lucrative career (not that a girl like me would care about such things!). When he's not going out with someone, we are friends (no benefits though).

"A.J." is a guy I met this year at school. I'm not exactly sure if he's my boyfriend or what, but we hung out a lot and had sex a lot and basically did everything a boyfriend and girlfriend would do. He's really cute, pretty smart, usually very nice, and he is wonderful in bed (or on the floor ... or in the bathroom ... or in a chair ...).

"Josh" has had a crush on me since way back. He's nice and harmless, and we're friendly. He's one of those guys who never makes a move, even though I know he's like in love with me. That's okay through, cause I don't want him to be making any moves anyway.

He goes to school at the same place I do (still not telling where!), but he lives pretty far away from me during the summer. He calls me like once a week just to chat. It's kinda weird, cause I know he wants to be more than friends and he knows I know he wants to be more than friends, but he still just tries to be friends.

I'm such a complicated girl!

Anyway, those are the boys in my life at the moment. I'm hoping the list will grow this summer. I'll keep you posted.

Monday, May 17, 2004

Who Am I?

I'm nobody really ... just That Ashley Girl.

I read like 50 blogs every day and I'm not doing a lot this summer, so I thought I'd start up my own. We'll see how long it lasts. I'm giving it two weeks.

Now for a little bit about me ...

Apparently it's not always smart to give details about your real life on these things, so I'm not gonna do that. All you get to know about me for sure is that my name is actually Ashley. Cute name, right? Actually, I just read that it was the 8th-most-popular name for baby girls last year! I'm so proud.

Anyway, I'm not quite sure what all I'm going to be writing about here, but it'll probably just be my life. I'm thinking I'll change all the other names to protect the innocent, and also so they don't all find about this and kill me.

And yeah, I know a pink blog is really cliche, but it's my favorite color and it's my blog!